A.I. Has Entered the Chat: What Chatbot Relationships Mean for Modern Love

A day doesn’t go by that I’m not reading or thinking about the role AI is playing in modern lives and relationships. But a few headlines have taken up residency in my subconscious, including a study conducted by Vantage Point Counseling Services. After surveying 1,012 adults living in the U.S. about their interactions and relationships with artificial intelligence systems, Vantage learned that 28% of the adults claimed to have at least one intimate or romantic relationship with a chatbot. Additionally, more than half of the respondents claimed to have some sort of relationship, albeit not romantic or intimate, with an AI system (work colleague, friend, therapist, mentor, coach, etc.)

Does this surprise you? The New York Times also recently ran a story featuring three such Americans, all of whom were in long-term relationships with chatbots. None are Gen-Z, nor do they live on either coast of the US. Rather, all three are between 45 and 50, and they reside in Ohio, Colorado and North Carolina. Furthermore, two of these individuals are married IRL, and their spouses are fully aware of the chatbot partner.

Outliers? It doesn’t seem so.

Vantage found that adults who are currently in successful relationships are more likely to pursue an intimate or romantic relationship with a chatbot. Over half the individuals in an intimate or romantic relationship with a chatbot reported also being in a “successful committed relationship of some form with another human.”

But this brings me to maybe the most surprising finding in the Vantage study: older adults, aged 60 or older, are the most welcoming of AI romantic relationships alongside romantic human relationships, the majority of whom do not consider the AI relationship as “cheating.”

That caught my attention.

It’s worth mentioning that all three of the individuals featured in the NY Times piece were navigating challenges and difficulties in their real lives. In those seasons, the chatbot relationship seemed to function as comfort, escape, or stabilizing companionship. We all have ways to seek solace during hardship to take a break from emotional overwhelm; binging a season of a Netflix show is sometimes how we sooth our souls. But should we binge all six seasons? Is there a line between sharing one’s inner life with a chatbot, and entering a intimate committed relationship? And if our real-life relationship is facing an existential crisis, such as a partner with dementia, might that line look different in the autumn of life?

All of the above raises important questions, especially around intimacy and relational health:

·      When does sharing one’s inner world with a chatbot become a substitute for real intimacy?

·      Is there a meaningful ethical or emotional boundary between “connection” and “relationship”?

·      If a real-life partnership faces an existential crisis, such as dementia or chronic illness, might the line look different later in life?

What do you think?