Parenting can be bad for your health.

But don’t take it from me.  In 2024, the sitting Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, issued a public health advisory. You know, like linking cigarette smoking to lung cancer. Or strongly discouraging alcohol use during pregnancy. Murthy’s advisory, titled “Parents Under Pressure,” declared that parental stress is a significant public health issue. Financial insecurity, social media, loneliness, and the pressure of balancing work and family demands (not to mention the lingering after-effects of the pandemic, social inequalities, political unrest, and the existential threat of climate change) are leading to alarming outcomes for parents.

According to the 2023 data:

·      33% of parents reported high levels of stress in the last month, compared to 20% of adults who are non-parents.

·      48% of parents said that most days their stress is “completely overwhelming,” compared to 26% of adults who are non-parents.

Compounding this sad situation are circumstances like family or community violence, poverty and racism and discrimination, which also increases the risk for mental health conditions.

So when a couple contacts me for help, it does not surprise me that they are often the parents of school-age children.

Parents. Need. Support. They need the support of their community, and they need the support of one another. Raising children in the twenty-first century is a Herculean task, regardless of the resources at hand. If a couple has not developed effective habits and techniques for navigating conflict, the strain and time demands of parenting will exacerbate their risk of feeling misunderstood, unsupported, and alone in those moments of disconnect.

Communication skills –and blunders-- often come down to habits, which can be learned, or unlearned, and practiced. In couples therapy, we look at the communication habits that have formed over time and may be tripping one or both of you up. Does your partner get immediately defensive when you try to raise an issue? Or do they hardly react at all, making you feel like you’re talking to someone who’s checked out? Have you and your partner built habits of repair and compromise? Or do touchy subjects reach a boiling point from time to time, then go dormant until the inevitable next time? Do your arguments go on and on, until you’re not even sure how it started and what you’re arguing about?

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, but couples therapy can help you write your own. When partners learn to communicate more effectively, repair faster, and support each other through stress, the entire family benefits.

If you and your partner are feeling disconnected or overwhelmed by the demands of parenting, you’re not alone — and help is available. Online couples therapy for parents can help you rebuild teamwork, rediscover empathy, and create more calm at home.

Learn more about couples counseling for parents and how to strengthen your relationship under pressure.